Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
