yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
