Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
