are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
