"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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