That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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