I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
