Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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