Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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