Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
