In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
