After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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