Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
