well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
