Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
