My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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