she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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