Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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