The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
