Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
