You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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