I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
