Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize