It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize