Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
