I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You've changed since you got that strap on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
