ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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