just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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