yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
