this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
