i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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