piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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