pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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