Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize