guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
