who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We have so much sex to catch up on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A bitchslap is in order.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
