is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
