I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
