I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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