We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
