it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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