He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
