I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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