there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
