I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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