you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
