Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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