please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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