I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
