I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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