Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you would pick up someone in the library
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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