I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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