Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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