just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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