I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
