Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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