My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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