so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize