dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
