wrigley field is MILF paradise
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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