Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
