its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
