I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
