If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize