I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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