wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
