Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
