I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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