well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
