You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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