Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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