I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize