I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
