I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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