I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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