carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
